Well it turns out that my doctor set up a new prescription for me but no one called to let me know.  Basically I'm back to the Lexapro but at a higher dose.  Things are better now.  I have never had that kind of reaction to anti-depressant drugs before.  Having two prescriptions in a row affect me adversely was a real surprise.

Another medication related thing that bothers me is that the main drug used for MS fatigue, Provigil, is not covered by most insurers.  It is too expensive to buy outright, so my doctor found another solution - Dextroamphetimine.  The insurance will cover this.  I don't take them often, but they really work when I do 🤗.

Anyhow, I am feeling much better for now

Joke's On Me

After getting my head even more effed up with Trazodone, I can't even get a callback from my doctor.  I do not like calling for help, but I was feeling desperate and suicidal.   Maybe she thought I'd just go ahead and kill myself so she didn't need to call back.  I called Wednesday, when I didn't get a callback I tried again on Thursday.  Now it is Saturday and still no call.

I decided to just stop the medication on Wednesday night, I assumed that any withdrawal effects couldn't be worse than what I was already feeling.  At least the suicidal urge has stopped for now, but I still have a headache.  Hopefully, it will pass soon.

Medication nightmare

It has been awhile since I have written a blog entry, but I feel the need right now.  MS has a lot of well documented symptoms - gait problems, loss of mobility, optic neuritis, parasthesia, numbness, etc. 

The mental health aspects can be very confusing.  Depression is common, but poorly understood in relation to MS.  I am not depressed because I have MS, but the brain lesions can intensify emotions that cause depression.  I have been on some form of antidepressant for almost 20 years.  Recently I have been having severe episodes of anxiety.  My Neurologist prescribed Zoloft.  I tried it for 2 weeks, it kept me in such a highly agitated state, that I was ready to blow over just about anything.  The doctor replaced the Zoloft with Trazodone.  I was so hopeful that this was going to be "the fix", but sadly, it has been worse than the Zoloft for severe side effects.  I have had a headache almost ever since I started the medication on Jul. 22.  I break down in tears a lot and feel so hopeless, I am having serious suicidal thoughts.  I called my Neuro back yesterday to find out what to do next, but I have not heard back.  These two recent phone calls were really hard for me to make.  I never call my doc between appointments, until now.  I skipped last night's Trazodone, but I still have a headache and still feel hopeless and worthless.

Oh did I mention that I recently gave up drinking?  Drinking was a way to self-medicate.  My hubby thought that I was self-medicating too much, so I quit.  The Zoloft was supposed to take the place of alcohol, but I ended up needing to drink to calm the effects of the medicine.   There appears to be nothing I can do to calm the effects of the Trazodone though.  At this point, I just want to go back to my Lexapro and wine.  I know that the suicide solution isn't the way, but sometimes...