It has been awhile since I have written a blog entry, but I feel the need right now. MS has a lot of well documented symptoms - gait problems, loss of mobility, optic neuritis, parasthesia, numbness, etc.
The mental health aspects can be very confusing. Depression is common, but poorly understood in relation to MS. I am not depressed because I have MS, but the brain lesions can intensify emotions that cause depression. I have been on some form of antidepressant for almost 20 years. Recently I have been having severe episodes of anxiety. My Neurologist prescribed Zoloft. I tried it for 2 weeks, it kept me in such a highly agitated state, that I was ready to blow over just about anything. The doctor replaced the Zoloft with Trazodone. I was so hopeful that this was going to be "the fix", but sadly, it has been worse than the Zoloft for severe side effects. I have had a headache almost ever since I started the medication on Jul. 22. I break down in tears a lot and feel so hopeless, I am having serious suicidal thoughts. I called my Neuro back yesterday to find out what to do next, but I have not heard back. These two recent phone calls were really hard for me to make. I never call my doc between appointments, until now. I skipped last night's Trazodone, but I still have a headache and still feel hopeless and worthless.
Oh did I mention that I recently gave up drinking? Drinking was a way to self-medicate. My hubby thought that I was self-medicating too much, so I quit. The Zoloft was supposed to take the place of alcohol, but I ended up needing to drink to calm the effects of the medicine. There appears to be nothing I can do to calm the effects of the Trazodone though. At this point, I just want to go back to my Lexapro and wine. I know that the suicide solution isn't the way, but sometimes...
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